my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
