she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
