Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i think i just lost a toe
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
