3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
