chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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