you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
