My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
