Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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