obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
