I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
