Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
