the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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