i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
