You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
