Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
