I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
