im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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