Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
