He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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