You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
