We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
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I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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