none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
