I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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