masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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