I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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