wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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