So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
