i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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