I intend to get homeless drunk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
