I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
