Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
