We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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