So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
