everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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