on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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