I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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