Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
