Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
