I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
