My first STD was from a foam party
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
