Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
