dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
