On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
