that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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