Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
