i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
