btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
