Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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