Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
