I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
