new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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