So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
