did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
