i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
