I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
