Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize