Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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