My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
