This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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