Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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