She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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