you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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