i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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