Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
