You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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