she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
