I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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