Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
