mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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