White coat. Heels.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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