He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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