Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
