I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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