Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
