We're like a lot better than the average bears
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The dick lei will go down in squad history
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He did a backflip because drugs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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